I’m pleased today to feature a special guest post on Friday Fiction.
My 12 year-old granddaughter Leah wrote the following flash fiction piece for school recently. When her mom showed it to me, I liked it so much, I asked Leah if she would allow me to publish it here on my blog.
Our family’s budding new writer readily agreed. Friends and followers, please take a moment to read it and tell me what you think!
Bart, the security guard, has always loved his job at the amusement park. He loves the greasy smell of deep-fried onions and the sweet smell of cotton candy drifting in the breeze as people happily skip by.
But there was just one thing that made Bart sad. He would always see people of all ages having so much fun with huge smiles on their faces as they jumped with excitement. Bart looked down at his chubby belly sticking out under his uniform with grease stains all over it from his recent lunch break. “I wish I could ride one of the roller coasters,” Bart thought to himself. All he wanted was to be able to ride a roller coaster and know what it was like to be happy and have fun.
Bart decided to make a plan. Maybe he could sneak onto a ride. No one would notice he was gone from his post because no one ever noticed he was there. Except for Trevor.
Trevor was Bart’s very strict boss. If Trevor ever found out about Bart’s plan, he would fire him for good and Bart definitely did not want that to happen. But he wanted to ride a roller coaster so bad, he was willing to take the chance.
Late one day, Bart was ready for action. It was 9:00 pm and the park closed at 10:00 pm. It was dark out so he wouldn’t be seen as easily. Bart slipped off his uniform so that he was left with a T-shirt and a pair of shorts on. He quickly put on his ball cap and ran off to the scariest ride in the park called “The Brain Wash”.
Bart got in line. While everyone was passing their tickets to the tall man standing at the entrance, Bart squeezed past the man without being seen. Bart had made it through!
He was finally on the ride. As the roller coaster was going up the steep hill with a ticking sound, he looked down at everyone below. They all looked like little ants. But there was one face that Bart could pick out. It was Trevor looking up at him with his arms folded across his chest. What if Bart got fired from his job?
Congratulations to your granddaughter, Jennifer!😀 Leah has nailed the Flash Fiction story – this is brilliant. I’m drawn in straightaway by Bart and the small details such as ‘greasy smell of deep-fried onions and the sweet smell of cotton candy’ paint a vivid picture of the fairground. She quickly gets into the mind of the guard and lets us listen to his longing to go on the ride. Then, wow, brilliant finish leaving us hungry to know more! Well done … Leah has a natural flair for writing! 😀
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Oh Annika, I know! I was so impressed I had to share. She actually taught me a thing or two in the process. I also love where she says no one ever noticed him there, only Trevor. 😊 Thanks so much for weighing in! xx
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Best Gran the world … And twelve year old too 💕
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Sorry I missed your comment, Val. Thanks so much! 😊
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Great job, I need to know what happen .
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We all need to know! lol
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Congratulations to Leah on a great story, I hope she continues writing in the future!
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Andrea, you can count on me to encourage her. I hope she writes a part 2! Thanks. 😊
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This is really great, Jennifer. Congratulations to your granddaughter, Leah. She’s a terrific writer and at twelve, already understands how to develop characters and build anticipation!
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Thank you, Barbara! I agree, she seems to already know the basics of capturing a reader’s interest, even at that age. And I’m only too happy to encourage any young person to keep working on the craft of writing. 🙂
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Wow, Leah I really enjoyed your story. Keep up the great work!
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I hope she keeps it up too. Thanks for your comment!
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Great story Leah and your charachters are so real. Poor Bart, having this dream he had to take some risks.
Surely Trevor will forgive one little misstep .
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I don’t know if Trevor will forgive him! Thanks, Miriam. 🙂
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You have a writer there–excellent job, Leah. Not something I could have written at your age.
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Thank you, Jacqui. When I first read it the other night, I was inspired to run to my laptop, and I never write at night!
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Kudos to Leah! I’m dying to know what happens next!
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Me too! Thanks, Connie. 🙂
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She’s got my curiosity.
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That’s half the battle with writing. 🙂
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I’ll be eagerly waiting to read part 2! Sounds like Bart is in serious trouble!
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Crossing my fingers she will write a part 2. Will Bart get fired or not? Thanks so much, Janet!
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What a great story, Leah! You did a wonderful job in creating a sympathetic character with Bart. Now I’m dying to know what happened once he got off the roller coaster! Thanks for sharing your granddaughter talent with us, Jennifer.
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A pleasure to share, Jill. I’m hoping she writes another part to her story. She developed that Bart character with just a few lines! Pretty good for a twelve-year-old!
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She’s only twelve? Wow…that’s amazing, Jennifer!
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I think I’ll go add her age to the introduction. Thanks, Jill! xx
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Definitely!
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Oh! Tell Leah I want more! Darn that Trevor–give poor Bart a break! I enjoyed this, Jennifer–budding writer, indeed.
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Thanks so much, Lois. I’ve sent her a text to see if she intends to write a part 2. Not bad for a twelve-year-old, hey?
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