unwelcome

*

You came back today.

051

Yesterday you waited at my window
your haunting face pressed to the frozen glass
your knowing eyes pleading for entry
you waved hello

willing my door to spring wide
I stood strong
you came back anyway.

007

Now,
I watch you slither in
you hold me close
your cold morbid grip weighs me down
fills me with shame
overshadowing all I love
making me wonder why I believed
you were gone for good
fear sits black and frozen in my chest
will you stay will you stay
you will stay
one day forever.

015

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12 thoughts on “unwelcome

  1. Jennifer deeply unsettling is what I feel, I suffer from anxiety and like you say, you almost forget it when it returns this poem has me hoping the sun will shine and melt your worries away. You really have a way with poetry and for a writer that can be magical in itself. Blessings and sunshine to you my friend. I tread this cold uphill path from time to time and I have learned to shake it off quicker these days by not feeding with my imaginations.

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    1. I just got home from a walk in the sunshine and it did help. I really thought I was rid of it though. Paul thinks it came back because I’m between projects, so I probably should take his advice and get started on that sequel. Nothing like a handful of characters to keep your brain busy!

      I feel ashamed when it happens too, because I have a lot to be grateful for, and I see so many who have terrible grief, or stress or health challenges to deal with, so what right do I have to feel this way? Thank you for your empathy, Kath. It’s good to know I’m not alone in this. xoxo

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  2. I love your nature pictures! Jennifer, this reminds me of the winter blues. Each year I choose to be kind to myself and expect less during February, and each spring I awaken with my garden–but’s there’s always a little trepidation that one day spring won’t awaken me. I trust and hope that day will not come for all of us who struggle with SAD.

    Blessings ~ Wendy ❀

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    1. Glad you like my photos, Wendy. As for SAD and anxiety, they are nothing new for me, but I shall prevail as I have from previous bouts, I trust. Being kind to yourself is such good advice, and seems to be working for you. Thanks. x

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